Do you live your Life at Cause or at Effect?
Ask yourself.

Being at cause means that you are decisive in creating what you want in life. You see yourself now working towards what you see yourself in the future as. You believe that you alone are responsible for what happens to you and therefore have the power to make things better. You see the world as a place of opportunity and you move towards achieving what you desire. If things are not unfolding as you would like, you take action and explore other possibilities. Above all, you know you have choices in what you do and how you react to people and events.

Adding on, it also means you have choices in your life; you can choose what is best for you while ensuring the choice is “friendly” for those around you, in your community and your society. When I say "friendly", it means to consider the consequences of your actions on others, while not taking responsibility for their emotional well-being. Well, this is not exactly selfish.

If you are at effect, you may blame others or circumstances for your bad moods, for your lack of achievements and other problems. You may feel powerless or depend on others to feel good about yourself or about life. You need constant push from your surroundings to make your day better. You may think, “If only my spouse, my boss, my co-workers, my parents, my children understood me and helped me achieve my dreams or did what I wanted or what is best for me, then life would be great.” You tend to place more emphasize on the aftermath rather than the process.

Those who live their lives at effect, often see themselves as victims with no choices whatsoever. Am I right to say that? They’re unable to see that they do have choices but have simply chosen not to take action. They are simply reactive to whatever is thrust upon them. Emotions such as guilt, fear, anxiety and resentment are the result of being at effect. People at effect tend to blame others and do not take responsibility for their actions.

Bugger, don't ask me why I've such questions in my head. I'm thinking, "Growing girl la deyy." For me, it's cause but there are times I fell into the effect pithole. Honestly, we all do. Can a person always live his life at cause? Probably not, but you can make it a bigger and more important part of your life. When you do find yourself being at effect, try to understand what it’s doing to you, and explore ways to overcome it in future.

Labels: And it was Raya with them lovelies yesterday.

I did major bloghopping today, it's hard to find good reads nowadays. But one thing I found common in most teenage girls' blogs; that no-teeth-smile-but-big-eyes-taken-from-the-top-very-MySpace kinda picture. Like seriously I want to scream, "Act cute or what?" That's why when I take pictures, I don't really like the idea of holding my camera high up.

***

For the human heart is free to do things as it wishes. Don't get all excited though, I'm merely expressing certain feelings and am not going to lay everything on the table for all to see.

I both love and hate sleeping like a pig during my off day. The up; you can roll in bed till mid afternoon. The down; it'll be hard to tuck in at night causing you to sleep much later than the usual. Bugger, I had a hard time waking up today.

Great, I no longer have access to Facebook in my office. Didn't you know, I'm the loser without a Friendster account.

Labels: What's Halloween without a good scare?

Dear God, please deliver me from the abundance of ignorance. And forgive me for collecting so much of it, at my own expense.

What's the one common agenda, hidden among millions of people? Issues. Instinctively, I proceed it with much caution. But sometimes I'm never the solution to the question, just another addition to the problem. I tried very hard to understand the mechanics of it, instead of turning it away. But this time around, it’s hard to stick to it. I’m overdosed on memories of pain and insecurities, the calm washes over me. I’ve got this secret desperation that you can never tell, you know.

When the tension mounts, I opened myself to the better things in life; like coffee for an example. I know some of you might say, "Coffee of all things?". Well, it gives me energy and makes me fun. I smile more often and admire the sun(eh, it rhymes!).

This is one of those times; there's so much I want to say but only for myself to hear.

Labels: KSL, KSL. Muhammad Faiz Bin Ramdan

This is not a facade, is it?
Look where we are today boy, still going on strong despite the shit-nots.
No, I don't have a boyfriend

***

Y'all know my love for Posh(lesbian or whaaat?), for now check out the wannabes:


(before you correct me, it's Kimberly Stewart!)

Moving on;

Yesterday's Raya visiting was a blast! I won't say everything in detail but this I want to say; cousin commented, "Alamak dekni, lawa betol la. Mcm arab-DKK(darah keturunan keling)!" Direct transalation, "Alamak you, really pretty la. Like Arab with Indian blood." I'm thinking if it's a compliment, what's with the alamak at the front? Though Indians are always the butt of most racist jokes(no offence), they're a bunch of pretty people. Call me Indian if you want, since Gervais also wished me Happy Deepavali(mundgeon, I'll wait for your return!). Also, how can I not talked about the food! There was briyani and tulang; oh my God that's Indian food, jinx-ed! Whatever, food's never a disappointment, never fail to make me say, "Syiok, I tell you."

And I knew something about the grandpa I never thought would be real.

Btw, I missed the way Raggie would roll her eyes at me whenever I say stupid things. It's been awhile since I've last been stupid and goofy.

Labels: Who to move on to? I meant Posh.

They're one of the few reasons why I miss school!
Not forgetting those overseas. :)

I want to watch Alpha Dog solely because JT's in it. Frustratingly, it's R21. Like how violent/dirty can it be right? I think JT's one talented young man, don't you think so? From Mickey Mouse Club, to N'SYNC to solo albums to owning his own clothing line and now acting. What's next? I gotta admit, JT's sex to me la. He has the looks, the groovy moves and he can definitely rock the suit-tie look. "Now, if s-sexy never left, then why's everybody on my shi-i-it?". He's always bringing sexyback, all the time. Ok nuff' celebrity oogling.

I'm in the office right now, thinking about how should I spent my next 2hrs before I knock off. I did the daily-musts; check mail, Trent, online window shopping etc.

Oh yes, a colleague of mine; she's a mother of two, asked me a few questions about smoking(this happened right after she caught 2 young adults smoking withing our compound). I frankly told her, I'm surrounded by smokers. From my friends to even my dad. I do get informal invitations for a puff, but I was never forced. "How did you not get yourself influenced?". I told her that personally, I've never liked the thought of smoking. Some say it's cool, stress reliever etc. No offence to the smokers out there. I always think of the long term effect, I won't physically look good anymore(read:hello nightmare) and it's kinda burning the pocket. I added to her that if you have a firm believe on it, you won't even think of taking the risk. As much said, shit do happen too when you least think of it.

If you wanna know what I had for lunch, sambal prawns! Mighty fat prawns, but not really tiger. You know those kind which are more meaty and juicy? Those which you just need to have more than 1 serving of it? Shiok, I tell you. I peeled and chomped 5 of it. I love mother for whipping up that dish.

These few days, I got no vibe to blog. Look at what I've just typed.

(Click to enlarge)
He's an ass, a cute one though.

I became a good 'mother' yesterday. Visited Vivo with the 2 kids for a movie, Underdog! And I think they kinda stole my underwear joke, you know? 3 of us fought over a Haagen Dasz cone which costed me $6.90 to be exact, grrrr. It wasn't easy juggling them, but I think I did a good job. From time to time; minus the scowling and scolding, I did ask them whether they need a drink or the toilet. Awwwwww... As much as they were hitting each other most of the time figting over my DS, the journey home made me realise the kind of bond siblings have. Just like the malay proverb air dicincang tidak akan putus. Direct translation; water chopped off can't break. You get the idea now? Both of the kids were beat after the trip, their eyes were steamy(you know, that kinda eyes haha). Sadly they were sharing a seat, the brother was on the lap of the sister. Why? This selfish foreigner slit her butt next to their seats. I was a seat away, opposite them. The brother was knocking his head against the window. Seeing that, the sister slide to the side which means lesser space for her more for her brother. Afterwhich the brother rested his head or her shoulder for a nap. Halfway through the journey, I could see the sister getting sleepier. She lip-read me asking her to nap. She replied me by gesturing that her brother's heavy head is on her, her shoulder hurts and she can't nap. I insisted that she rest her haid against the chair, but she didn't budge. Few times her brother's head tilted from her shoulder, she used her tiny fingers to hold it. Ok now again; Awwwwww...From my view, it was evident that she was tired too; adjusting herself in that uncomfortable position but she placed her brother's comfort first. I really wanted to push the foreigner aside, but the bus was too packed for me to even move from my seat. If only I had a better phone, I would have recorded the scene. For those of you who still needs a moral to the above story, love for a sibling who's your flesh and blood can never change no matter what the circumstances is.

***

We grew up together, that's why. Sometimes now you make me feel that I wanna grow old with you(marriage or whaaat?). No, no. Boy, we can never share a car together. :)

And so we ride; for company, for good food.

By the way, I've finished another book. Another good book. From one of my favourite romance authors, Sandra Brown(thank you Seri, again). Play Dirty is an apt title for this book. Now don't get me all horny, this book is beyond that. I enjoyed it despite the fact that the suspense part of the plot pretty much fell apart for me towards the end. I expected something better than what I got for the resolution. I got surprised a time or two with a couple of plots twists that I didn’t see coming. Sandra Brown hasn’t completely abandoned her romance roots entirely, giving readers a few explicit love scenes; yes she's good with the sex scenes. In other words, the book was nicely plotted with a good even pace that kept me turning the pages late into the night.

Tomorrow's Tuesday, yeeeeeeeha!

Labels: Checkered just like you liked it.

Coz I know things will never be the same again, I fucking know.

There are certain things that are beyond my control. It's not that I don't care. I care, to a point where I ask myself why I bother caring for when it only ends up making things so bleak. Also of which I don't exactly know what I should do or say to make the whole situation better. I don't even know if what I do or say, would make a difference. Or even make you change your minds.

Today, it was totally a ride. But tonight, I'm a happy girl coz I got my dengdeng.


On a brighter note;

To Shima, Fizah and Rosa. Remember the chikopek barista at Bugis? Well I saw him again at Plaza Sing yesterday night. While ordering my beverage I can't help but reminisce his smile and asked, "You looked very familiar. From Bugis Junction?". He gladly answer and said, "So nice of you to remember me." I then murmured, "Chikopek what."

Before that, it was dinner with them Spice Girls. I had a burger bigger than my mouth; half of me was worried I might lock my jaws. Happening food definitely. And I saw breasts; radios in the form of breasts. Boops. Jiggly-wiggles; whatever you call it. The best part, you gotta tune the nipples to get to your desired radio station. Feeling horny, boys?

I think I was horny that night. Charmaine wrote, "The Long Awaited Disc". It looked like "The Long Awaited Dicks" from my view.

Labels: Swensen's cheese sticks was the sex.

I smell fat Tuesday, I'm sure you both do too!

***

Sometimes I'm enjoying this distance, it's bliss. At times I don't, and I really mean it. Someday, you'll know to why I've build this wall. For now, I know you're not gonna break it.

The greatest irony of love:

Loving the right person at the wrong time,
Having the wrong person when the time is right,
And finding out you love someone right after
That person walks out of your life.

And sometimes, you think you're already over a person,
Until you see them smile at you again,
You'll suddenly realize that you're really not.

For some, they think that letting go is one way
Of expressing how much you love the person,
By sacrificing your happiness for theirs,
Without realizing that the other person's
Doing the same thing for them.

Most relationships tend to fail
Not because of the absence of love;
Love is always present,
It's just that one is being loved too much
And the other was being loved too little.

We always fall in love with the person we think we love,
Only to discover that what we loved about them fades.
Bad experiences are always remembered,
But it's the wonderful memories that are captured
To remind us that there are brighter days ahead
And that happiness exists.

You need to learn to let go when you're hurting too much,
Realize that sometimes love just isn't enough
And accept the fact that things aren't always gonna be the same.

There is someone out there who will love you more.
It's all the thought you put into your decisions
That impairs your judgement
When your heart already knows what you need to do.

Listen to your heart. Even though it's on the left side, it's always right.

Illuminati; go Google it. Like seriously, go.

Sunday was a day dedicated to shopping. Everyone will definitely enjoy the thrill of trying almost everything that's eye-catchy, no one enjoys the aftermath. I can no longer hear ka-ching when I run around. It all started at Bugis, where I had the company of Lifa to listen to my incessant whimpering of eccentric and not so pretty people. I mean what in the world were they thinking; wearing layers of stockings and arm socks on a dreadfully hot weather. At the end of the day, it's their style right? Later in the evening, I joined the other Malay community over at Geylang where I iftar at Darul Arqam. That was the first time I stepped my foot there after 2 years. Oh boy, shopping was a killer. The father and I almost got into a petty fight choosing curtains. I gave in; I hate the curtains still. If you're on a bridge, down below looked as if thousands were of ants scattering about. Amidst the honks and pushy people, the aroma of fat food can be easily detected. One of my purpose there was for food but I only got vadei; dengdeng and ayam percik were on the list too.

"Mari cik kak beli baju butterfly. 3 helai $10 sahaje, murah kak. Boleh nampak saya pakai baju butterfly. Beli baju butterfly so you can fly fly fly."
Direct translation, "Come ladies buy the butterfly dress. 3 for $10 only, very cheap. You can see me wear the butterfly dress. Buy the butterfly dress so you can fly fly fly."
I bought the butterfly dress even when the his chant irritate the shit out of me, how ironic. Those interested to see the Butterfly Man, he's located across Tanjong Katong Complex.

Also, I just completed another book. From one of my favourite authors; Paolo Coelho. I found The Alchemist to be a wonderful tale on pursuing one's dreams. Coelho shows how easy it is to give up ever attaining one's dreams due to complacency - or not wanting to move out of one's comfort zone. "People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them." Another endearing quote from the book, "There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure." Other of his books that I've read too are Veronika Decides To Die and The Zahir. Told you, I'm becoming a bookworm and it's not a feminist book.

And finally, you're drifting apart. I'm way beyond what you regard me as.

Labels: I'm missing my Spice Girls already.