I'm not the kind who don't respond when someone's talking to me, and you know it.


It's 12.08am now, and I'm eating. I visited the loo a couple of times today, and didn't really eat that much. Cleared my bowels again and again just ease the funny feeling of my tummy. Now that it's all better, my appetite is as huge a pot of stew. Am I a happy girl or what, to be eating late at night with no worries.

Everyone's afraid of changes, and I'm not just talking about the bad ones. The good ones too. It's strange as to no matter how many times I've reminded myself that changes is good because most of the time they are at the end of the day, I'd still do just about anything to keep things the way they are right now, nothing more, nothing less. But I know, I know, nothing will ever stay the same for long. Changes is the only thing that stays constant.

I have so much things going on in my head and everytime I try to put all of them in words, my sentences ends up unfinished. I feel so many things at one time that because of it, the fear of getting hurt is filling me in. It's as though I've been wandering around just thinking about where exactly I'm heading to and how it is going to affect me at the end of the day. This is just starting to get crazy.

This is my 460th post.

Yesterday I was cranky and moody at work, it was such a drag moreover doing a full shift. 10mins seems like hours to pass till I had to find the nonsense to do to kill time, like wiping whatever there is to wipe, folding flyers like there's no tomorrow. It was just not a good day. The only thing I remebered vividly and had something to smile about was Olivier, this French child who was all over me after I build a bear for him. As I was stoning into space, he slid his tiny fingers into mine, and drag me along with him, to play with his triceratops. He then gave me that annoying-but-cute smirk, and smacked his triceratops' horns onto my bum. Awwwww. On another note, Paul Twohill came to build a furry friend too.

Today was the flipside though, awesome! Had a birthday dinner with my Spice Girls over at Sofra, where we had a dozen dougnuts as the birthday cake. It was really lovely, catching up and laughing with them girls whom I spent my many hours in school then. Everyone's still the same; Baby will laugh and turn red at everything I say(now do I look like a clown?), Ginger will be like the mother of the group, Scary's the usual punching bag that I usually poke fun at and Sporty will just roll her eyes at me if I'm just being ridiculous. It's silly how I can't get rid of this Spice Girls saga, even in my phonebook they're still named that way. Sweet.

Happy Birthday Charmaine & Jing Yi!

And I got my hands on PATD's Pretty Odd, like finally. It was the last piece on the shelf!

Unfortunately on my way home, I became all cranky again. To think that tomorrow's National Day, Singaporeans use this chance to show one last mofo(it stands for moronic fool) act. Commuters just rush onto the bus, pushing, wriggling their way onto the steps without looking left or right. And barely 1.5m, I'm the victim of such chaos. I wonder whether these people were on a treasure hunt, thinking there was gold in the bus. Morever it was night time, and the bus arrived late. Everyone was smelling stinky shit from work and what nots, and having sticky physical contact was the last thing on my mind. If you think by rushing onto the bus will get you a seat, you're wrong for there are other people who's faster and slicker than you. So save yourself from the hassle; be civilised and take your time, really. Being the civilised Singaporean, I made my way to the rear of the bus; there's more air there anyways. Holy cow, my eyes opened bigger than it is already. No offence, but this really huge man was smooching his huge girl. I mean come on, even if you wanna purposely give a free show for all to see, do it discreetly or something. You know, then we'll all be like, "Hey look closer, free show sia!" If it's just too open, it's just plain disgusting. No wonder the seat next to them was empty, no one wanted to feel the heat. With that, Happy National Day.

Because we all are aware that every single one of us is broken from all the mess that's created. Because we all would do anything to save it, even if sometimes it feels like it's not worth anything. Because we all had our share of mistakes and we know we've got only ourselves to blame. Because we all are too egoistic to realise that everyone has their reasons. Because we all have allowed the many bad things that had happened occupy our mind so much to a point that we all forgot about all the good things that should have stayed freshest in our mind. Because we forgot about what should have mattered more. Because our emotions gets the better of us and our actions depicts what we feel. Because at the end of the day, we all have one thing in common and that is we can't help but to care, to care for each other and these things we feel, they won't fade overnight.

Reality check. I turned speechless and all the facts I knew I had at the back of my mind did not seem so important anymore. Yes, there have been many people whom got hurt and an action was taken to stop the hurt, but yet, until now, the hurt is still going on. So where does that leave us? Right back to the start.

I don't know what to feel, just that my feelings are all over the place. It's crazy how I can say I'm certain of what I feel at one moment and say the opposite at the next. I know why I'm wavering all over again but I have yet to come to terms with it. And I know that no matter how many good things that had happened, no matter the fact that you are the only one i get afftected by the most(period), no matter the times I've made myself stayed on, no matter the times I've unintentionally give you the right to break my heart, I know that nothing of it will matter if this feels not right. No, I'm not trying to say that the times spent will be nothing but a waste at the end of the day, but instead, truth be told, this have never felt right and I am not going to see myself take a step I'm not even fully confident of taking, just not again, because the consequences of my actions I wouldn't want to bear.

Maybe, just maybe, we all really do need a time out.

After 10 days of working, I finally got an off. Not the entire whole day as I had a wedding to attend Sunday. Weddings will always be a grand affair for most Malays; from the palace-like deco, scrumptous food to the numerous guests. To me, weddings are very much alike to Hari Raya. Interrogations of the Makciks and Pakciks(Aunties and Uncles) to be exact. They'll bring out the most outrageous topics to converse about, like how weddings are expensive and I need to start to saving now. Hell yeah, I know that.

Funnily during breakfast, brother and I had an intriguing conversation. Well of coz it was about getting together and marriage. He asked, "Would you marry up or marry down?" I told him, "Either same level or up." Then I realised, yes I do stereotype people at times. We all do, right? And he mentioned that whichever boy I'm gonna get hitched with must go through him(like duh), his reason was that just in case I had questions for him I'm too shy/afraid to ask. So I said, "Like what? Shouldn't a couple be 100% honest with each other, even it's about his sexual history?" He answered, "In case if he has pyschotic history, he's a pyschopath or something." WTH, He had this in his head after watching Behind Close Doors. And joke of the day was, he had the intention of matchmaking me with a Chinese convert!

Anyways like I said earlier, it had been a long long week. Even so, I managed to squeeze in some social escapades. Firstly, Sporty gave me a toy she got while on a holiday! Being the cheapskate I am(10% off for tenants), we had B&J's with Afro, Seri and Fizah as well over at Vivo. Afterwhich we sat on a pathetic bench in the middle of the mall, mourning over a friend who's over at New Zealand. I hope she's doing ok at least.

I watched Dark Night as well, a long movie but it left me hanging.

Friday it was Toh's birthday celebration. Shima and myself waited like forever for the others to come that we purposely ordered drinks just so the cute waiter can serve us. Pathetic. Best thing about the night was definitely taboo! Glad that Joshua joined us much later for the game, for he and Gervais made such a great team together, morons!



Celebration was over at Fish&Co.


It was time I had a proper dinner with these two.


Sex On The Beach VS Tequilla Sunrise.


This is very cliche, everytime one visits the Glasshouse.

Much earlier in the week, it was meeting-cum-farewell over at BABW. Adelina had been a great leader and motivator to me, and to all the other BBs. I'll not dispair, for I still have Jen. She has been awesome too, a great colleague and friend. Sooner I'll bid goodbye to this fun place I've found, but for now let me be the one to make you a bear. :)